Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
