I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize