I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize