nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
