i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
