Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this just has baby written all over it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
