i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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