Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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