I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
