He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
