I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
