How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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