So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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