Plan B is the new Plan A
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
