are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This house was built for laser tag.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
