thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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