In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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