The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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