The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
