Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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