Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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