would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
