The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
