You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Two words: blizzard sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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