I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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