He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
