i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
