I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
