Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
