Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
there is glitter all over my balls
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