I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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