I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
