So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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