On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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