i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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