idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
