you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
