I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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