We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
