I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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