So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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