my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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