Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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