i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
