like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize