Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
