Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
vagina is talking i cant
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
