he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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