i permit you to call me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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