actually, I'm a sock model
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
