Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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