you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
