Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
