Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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