you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
