Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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