I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
