I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize