OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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