I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am available for nakedness
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
