I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
