Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
