Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
